School and Thoughts...

[Not_Trapped]

I have been in school a month and it's been a LONG month. Headaches seem to occur everyday stinking day and there are two classes where I really don't care for the teaching styles of the professors.

Everything seems to swirl around...

I get about 5 hours of sleep per night

I once again don't feel like eating much and when I do eat I just feel nauseous - I try to drink water and take a multi-vitamin everyday.

Music doesn't do much to ease anything or calm me at this point. There is always an anxiety in the back of my head that I should be doing something else within a casebook rather than relaxing. Like right now.

3 years -

If I don't waste away to nothing then I'll be okay...

--dominic--

On a lighter note - during one of those anxiety ridden sessions when I actually listened to music - I received the Steve Burns album in the mail a few days ago and listened to it while working on a paper over the weekend - wow I love it.

[rockrighter]

I felt the same way about work not too long ago; some of the effects remain to this day. I used to throw up every morning and couldn't eat anything. I lost about 10 lbs. and my headaches have worsened and developed a pattern (though the car accident may have had something to do with it.) I still feel anxiety about going to work from time to time and recently I've been experiencing eating issues again. I find it a combination of "I don't have time to cook this," "I don't know if it'll make me feel like shit afterward," and "What the hell do I even want?"

I don't mean to encourage a negative mindset, but something tells me that it doesn't matter if I sorta dwell on it (does it really change anything? Really?)

A co-worker of mine suggested bathing in epsom salts will help you relax, or at least feel a little bit refreshed. I found it does have an effect (if I remember correctly, it's supposed to help with the immune system?) You can buy bags at any drug store.

[Not_Trapped]

laying a bath of water makes me sick to my stomach as well - sometimes i sort of sit indian style in the tub and let the shower spray down on me - that works at times but only if i can get in a mindset that allows me to focus on NOTHING - do you know how damn hard that is?

i've lost 50 pounds - doctors can't figure out anything as to why it occurs so i have to believe that it's in my head.

i am sure it will pass - and if not then i'll always be the poster child for the scrawny american rocker for the cover of rolling stone - abs not bared of course because that is not cool...

--dominic--

[rockrighter]

I can't imagine how hard it must be to focus on nothing when a person's in law school. Your whole world relates to what you're learning. Stimuli overload?

I think what's happened with me is that the effects have wormed their way so deeply into my subconscious that no matter if I feel like I'm doing okay and such, those things still happen. Theory: The stress of 'I should be doing something else' is maybe why baths bother you; the act of lying down triggers the inaccurate 'you're being lazy' thingie to fire off in your head and causes the nausea/anxiety?

My doctor's having me come back for a complete check-up in 2 weeks. Yesterday she had me go over to the BioMedical lab for a haemopanel (I think) and a urinalysis to check my blood sugar, thyroid, etc. When I described my weirdness to her (the 'oddness abounds' thread I made a while ago) she thought it was pretty messed up, too - and mentioned she's seen worse from my place of work. :P

Best of luck to you, Dominic. And thanks again for your help.

[13throwcenter]

jeeeez, where the heck do you work, rock?

[RogueTrader]

Dom, the multi vitamin may be contributing to your nausea. I find that if I have them without food, I feel like I am going to throw up.

Many of my friends are lawyers and a few of them had a tough time at law school. There is one main reason that they pile the work onto you like this. The forst 3 - 5 years of your working life, post graduation will be all nighters researching clauses of contracts, appeals, statutory interpretations etc; for a partner who will barely notice your existence let alone thank you. From what I have seen, the amount of work they are giving you now is but a small dose of what is to come. The Law School wants is trying to flush out those people who do not deal with thre stress.

Now, there are sme things that you can do. The one that seemed to work for my good friend Dominique is to give yourself permission to take some time off. She was quite adamant that every day she would take at least an hour to actively interact with people who were not in the law faculty, even if she had been working for 23 hours straight.

Another friend, Paul would go to the gym and just punch and kick the shit out of a heavy punching bag. He said that it was amazing how quickly your brain stops thinking about contracts and torts and just focussed in on the bag in front of you. he later took up tae kwon do and found that this was even better. All the meditation techniques in the class were great and the fact that he was with a group of people he could interact with on a completely different level really helped him.

Another friend, Jo just cried every day. Not in a desperate welling up of feeling, but just because this waqs the best way for her to get out all of the emotions. She would plan 'crying time' every day.

The bottom line is that stress is something everyone needs to spurr them to action. If it builds up to unmanageable lebels though, it has the opposite effect and can cause things like heart conditions, unexplained weight loss, and even depression and mental breakdowns. These high levels of stress are better out than in and an ounce of prevention is better than the result.

I don't know if any of the above helps mate, but maybe something resonates with you and might be something you could try. Whatever the result, I think you need to find an outlet, a place you can put the excess stress.

::M

[Not_Trapped]

i just started last week to work out again - it has helped. the multi-vitamin isn't what makes me nauseous. eating does, unfortunately. this has been ongoing for a LONG time. since march at least. i think my biggest problem is that i haven't been taking the time to just be me. i have in spurts here and there, but not on a consistent basis which is what i really need to sustain a level of tranquility.

i am hoping to get into a criminal law firm after graduation - contracts are too flippant and torts are too scandalous.

:P

dominic

or maybe i just need to cry

[yer ardy]

dominic and reena....
i don't have any pearls of wisdom to offer...
wish i did...and i wish you both strength to overcome
what's causing you concern...

my brother lost about 50 lbs. inside of about
3 months during his divorce - the stress of the
situation induced loss of appetite, sleeplessness,
headaches. we worried about him because of
the physical evidence of his plight. we were truly
scared that this would kill him.
it's taken him 3 years to recover. it was a slow
arduous process but he's much better mentally
and physically. it's amazing how fragile we humans
are when faced with life changing events, small or big.

one of the easiest things to do is to set yourself aside
and focus on everything/body else - which isn't healthy.
time and time again people have told me to take genuine
"me-time" for myself and i'd blow them off with a "yeah,
yeah, like i got time to do that..." but it's true and
i think you're on the right track to improve so keep at
it and know that there are a lot of people here who
want nothing but the best for you both...k?

so, yeah, anyways... :)

[rockrighter]

*flicks lighter*

Thanks, Ards. :)

[Not_Trapped]

it's hard to put time aside for yourself when it makes you feel selfish -

dominic

[13throwcenter]

it's hard to put time aside for yourself when it makes you feel selfish -

dominic


if you feel selfish about taking the time to take care of yourself you're never going to make it. you need to get to the root of that problem post haste.

[Not_Trapped]

is it wrong to feel better about yourself when you are helping others or being there for others? if the world were like that then we could all be there for everyone else...

maybe the root problem is that i want to be on the beach selling bait to bums and listening to sunny music but instead i am here and it's getting cold.

or, maybe, the problem is that once again i relied on someone to be there for me just as i was for them and they walked away.

it's not such a situation where i think i have missed out on something - this only helped me realize that i am still capable of love after being dropped off and that it's not the end of the world.

then there are my parents...what do i have to do to please them? i'm in law school - that's what they've always told me i should do. can they be proud of me now? is it enough that they are proud of me to other people? maybe they need to say it to me. maybe i need to accept that i don't need someone else's approval and just move on with what i have. or, could it be that thus far i have done things to please others and now i am stuck in a situation that might not be what i am inside.

all questions that arise when thinking and not reading cases. :P i love law school.

maybe this is all a manifestation of attention seeking - wanting someone to care about me. people say that you have to care about yourself first before someone else can really care. then i'm in a boat with no oar.

i need a bonfire and a cool drink and good friends - a guitar and a voice and words that mean something to everyone, not just me.

rambling? most likely.

i felt great yesterday until i ate...but i made it through and i feel good today.

baby steps out the door - baby steps to the elevator - baby steps down the stairs -

dominic

[13throwcenter]

is it wrong to feel better about yourself when you are helping others or being there for others? if the world were like that then we could all be there for everyone else...

maybe the root problem is that i want to be on the beach selling bait to bums and listening to sunny music but instead i am here and it's getting cold.

or, maybe, the problem is that once again i relied on someone to be there for me just as i was for them and they walked away.

it's not such a situation where i think i have missed out on something - this only helped me realize that i am still capable of love after being dropped off and that it's not the end of the world.

then there are my parents...what do i have to do to please them? i'm in law school - that's what they've always told me i should do. can they be proud of me now? is it enough that they are proud of me to other people? maybe they need to say it to me. maybe i need to accept that i don't need someone else's approval and just move on with what i have. or, could it be that thus far i have done things to please others and now i am stuck in a situation that might not be what i am inside.

all questions that arise when thinking and not reading cases. :P i love law school.

maybe this is all a manifestation of attention seeking - wanting someone to care about me. people say that you have to care about yourself first before someone else can really care. then i'm in a boat with no oar.

i need a bonfire and a cool drink and good friends - a guitar and a voice and words that mean something to everyone, not just me.

rambling? most likely.

i felt great yesterday until i ate...but i made it through and i feel good today.

baby steps out the door - baby steps to the elevator - baby steps down the stairs -

dominic

actually you really should be able to feel good about yourself when you are taking care of yourself because it is necessary to do so if you want to truly be able to take care of and help others who need help. i think your biggest issue is one of self confidence... you really need to accept yourself and LOVE yourself. no one is going to love you until you love yourself. once you love yourself, it doesn't matter so much what other people think about you and the choices you make for yourself. i can see it must be difficult if even your parents don't accept you unless you are doing what they think is best for you. that is such total bullshit- yes it is great that parents want good things for their children but to leave their child with a feeling of nonacceptance unless they are doing what *they* think is right for them is just wrong. parents should only want true happiness for their children- it shouldn't matter how that happiness is obtained, as long as it is true. parents like this are concerned about how their children reflect on them and that is so not fair. break free of their expectations and decide for yourself what is right for you- it may be lawschool, it may be selling seashells down by the seashore- only you know what is best and right for you and the answer to that lies inside of you, not your parents.

but yes, it really IS okay to take care of yourself- in fact, it's mandatory.

[reallygroovN]

things that get me thru:

***taking one day at a time (or one minute at a time). it really really does help to relax when all you think about is....now....not i should be doing this or i should have done that but just.....think what you are doing right now...and now think about what you are doing right now....and now, just focus on what you are doing this second.

it takes practice, but you cant change the past and if you constantly view the future on the past's terms your future will turn out just like your past. the way to break the cycle is to think of the present. focus on now, for now.

****clean the house and throw shit away. its a good energy burner and clears out the clutter around you which helps clear the clutter inside you.

***** get up, go out and move your body thru space. walk, run, lift weights, play golf, whatever you do, just get moving.

**** you know, i am getting to a point where i feel as though i am ALWAYS telling olivia that she is wrong (comeon, she is most of the time!) :P no, but really, she says/yells to me...YOU THINK I CANT DO ANYTHING RIGHT, MOTHAFUCKA ;) (kiddin on that last part, but i will always remember you imitating liv) and i feel terrible because, its not that i think she cant do anything right...i KNOW she can do it right, she just chooses not to. and that is one of the most frustrating things a parent can go thru. do we do these things for our children? do we let them make their mistakes and find their way? do we give them a roadmap and help them along the way? and how, exactly, do we do any of the above while still re-affirming to our children that we love them and have faith in them and value them.

i have no answers. but i know your parents are proud of you and maybe you need to look at why you wont let them tell you this ;)

thats it, im done. im out to the drycleaners!

[13throwcenter]

things that get me thru:

***taking one day at a time (or one minute at a time). it really really does help to relax when all you think about is....now....not i should be doing this or i should have done that but just.....think what you are doing right now...and now think about what you are doing right now....and now, just focus on what you are doing this second.

it takes practice, but you cant change the past and if you constantly view the future on the past's terms your future will turn out just like your past. the way to break the cycle is to think of the present. focus on now, for now.

****clean the house and throw shit away. its a good energy burner and clears out the clutter around you which helps clear the clutter inside you.

***** get up, go out and move your body thru space. walk, run, lift weights, play golf, whatever you do, just get moving.

**** you know, i am getting to a point where i feel as though i am ALWAYS telling olivia that she is wrong (comeon, she is most of the time!) :P no, but really, she says/yells to me...YOU THINK I CANT DO ANYTHING RIGHT, MOTHAFUCKA ;) (kiddin on that last part, but i will always remember you imitating liv) and i feel terrible because, its not that i think she cant do anything right...i KNOW she can do it right, she just chooses not to. and that is one of the most frustrating things a parent can go thru. do we do these things for our children? do we let them make their mistakes and find their way? do we give them a roadmap and help them along the way? and how, exactly, do we do any of the above while still re-affirming to our children that we love them and have faith in them and value them.

i have no answers. but i know your parents are proud of you and maybe you need to look at why you wont let them tell you this ;)

thats it, im done. im out to the drycleaners!

Cath, I remember you once telling me that when you were an 8 year old kid you felt like you weren't good enough. Now your daughter is telling you that she thinks you think she can't do anything right, mothafucka. : ) maybe it would help you understand how she feels right now if you spent some time thinking about how it felt when you were a kid. empathy really works wonders with kids- asher loves to hear honest stories about my fears and problems as a kid, i think because it makes me seem real to him and they are more apt to trust you because you are honest with them. Look at it right now.... Liv thinks you think she's not good enough, and you say you feel terrible about it. The way you are going about it is making both of you feel badly. Maybe it's time for an honest heart to heart mom-daughter talk : )

all of that is excellent advice cath- remaining centered in yourself is the key and finding ways to help yourself feel that way amidst our hectic life is really helpful. I'll keep some of your ideas in mind for myself once it all hits the fan in a couple more weeks!

[reallygroovN]

yep, been thinking all day about what we will talk about during our time alone this week http://bbs.pearl-jam.net/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif. thanks sani :)



Cath, I remember you once telling me that when you were an 8 year old kid you felt like you weren't good enough. Now your daughter is telling you that she thinks you think she can't do anything right, mothafucka. : ) maybe it would help you understand how she feels right now if you spent some time thinking about how it felt when you were a kid. empathy really works wonders with kids- asher loves to hear honest stories about my fears and problems as a kid, i think because it makes me seem real to him and they are more apt to trust you because you are honest with them. Look at it right now.... Liv thinks you think she's not good enough, and you say you feel terrible about it. The way you are going about it is making both of you feel badly. Maybe it's time for an honest heart to heart mom-daughter talk : )

all of that is excellent advice cath- remaining centered in yourself is the key and finding ways to help yourself feel that way amidst our hectic life is really helpful. I'll keep some of your ideas in mind for myself once it all hits the fan in a couple more weeks!

[13throwcenter]

yep, been thinking all day about what we will talk about during our time alone this week http://bbs.pearl-jam.net/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif. thanks sani :)


welcome cath. i'd like to hear how it goes!

[prism]

tonight as the boy kid and I were cooking dinner(homemade garlic fries...yum) he said to me "Mom, I wish that I was from yer generation, you know, back when people didn't have emotions. me "HUH?" then he says "you know, like when you were a kid and you did something wrong you just got hit up-side the head....lesson learned. and if you whined you just got told to suck it up. why do people these days have to be all about feelings and emotions?" I told him quit his bitching about how much people whine and if he didn't like that people talk about their feelings he was just gonna haveta suck it up and talk about his feelings. we were laughing like two silly monkeys :laugh:

it's wonderful to know that I'm so old that I'm from the pre-emotions generation :confused:

[13throwcenter]

tonight as the boy kid and I were cooking dinner(homemade garlic fries...yum) he said to me "Mom, I wish that I was from yer generation, you know, back when people didn't have emotions. me "HUH?" then he says "you know, like when you were a kid and you did something wrong you just got hit up-side the head....lesson learned. and if you whined you just got told to suck it up. why do people these days have to be all about feelings and emotions?" I told him quit his bitching about how much people whine and if he didn't like that people talk about their feelings he was just gonna haveta suck it up and talk about his feelings. we were laughing like two silly monkeys :laugh:

it's wonderful to know that I'm so old that I'm from the pre-emotions generation :confused:


oh gosh that is HILARIOUS. I don't condone hitting children whatsoever, but I'm sure it was a hell of a lot "easier" to parent when that was the answer. I don't know how many mini conflict resolution sessions I monitored between 7 year olds with hurt feelings where everyone sits and talks about how one persons actions were this that and the other thing. Now it takes time (which requires patience!) and exemplary verbal skills when it all used to be settled with a pop upside the head.

i'm glad to know they don't keep coming up with these amusing ideas as they grow older!

[ambrosis]

i know how you are feeling and when you are under pressure with school everything else just crashes down upon you. yer ardy and 13th have some awesome advice. you have to take care of yourself, believe in yourself and do what makes you happy. you have to be in law school for you and no one else, otherwise you are not gonna make it. that is an amazingly difficult program and your heart has to be in it.
working out will definitely keep your sanity levels in check. there is nothing like getting those endorphins going to make you feel good. school and working out go hand in hand. i find i am more productive, have a hell of a lot more energy and i even think better, if that is possible.
school is an academic journey as well as a personal one. part of the process is learning how to deal with pressure and stress. you just have to keep trying different things and eventually you will find the thing that works for you.
i used to be a real stress case when exams came and any other time actually and the one thing that i found that centres me and calms me down before an exam or when i am just losing it is to pull out the old classical guitar and play classical music. it has taken me 3 years to figure that one out so sometimes it just takes a bit of time and a lot of trial and error. have faith, the answers will come.