We made a punishing world.

[Big Brain]

Fellow earthlings,

I suppose it's all the same. We are all mere crumbs to the immense chocolate-chip cookie that is the world. I guess EV said it best with 'Insignificance'. We are shit.
And then, you would think that if the world doesn't care what each one of us does, we would do whatever the fuck we want. But yet, I find myself on the brink of finishing college, finding a job, and sitting my ass there for god knows how long until I find a higher paying job where my ass will yet again sit for eternity. What life is this? It's as if the world has a blue print of how we must live our lives in order to survive. It's all spelt out for us; we don't have to do any living, just breathe and follow the arrows. I can't seem to handle that.

And the sad thing is I think we've all accepted the fact that this is life, and we are so unmotivated to do otherwise, perhaps because of the fear of ending up on the street, or fear of change, or fear of really living a life the way it was meant to be lived. We all conform. It really blows.

And because of our systematic ways, we are killing everything around us, including ourselves. You know, I don't really give a rats ass about those extreme tree-thumpers trying to save the ecosystem, but I do feel that we have become a virus of sorts. We are all chained in slavery to this system. I want to be thrown back in time, back when you could run around freely, when feet were extensions of the earth, and the open air our home. I want to hunt for my meal, bathe myself in the ocean, run around naked, fuck on the spot. Extreme, yes it is, but those luxuries the world offered us, when we were at par with the rest of the animal kingdom, that animal instinct we all had, is what is lacking today.

And, ironically, I feel the Internet, like any addictive source of the past, is secluding us even more from the rest of the world, and especially ourselves. We feel we are being brought together by this technology, but at the expense of our own humanity. We are forgoing interaction with the real world, with our own selves. I hate it. And yet I am here. And I try to break free, but I feel like a rat in a maze with no exit.

This is such a futile message, I know. But maybe if I don't get a typical job right after college, maybe if I decide to roam around solo and try my luck, then that's a start.

Nibble, don't bite.

[yer ardy]

hey big brain...a futile message?? not hardly...what a poignant and profound statement of your feelings. i respect your take of this, it makes perfect sense.
i agree about the internet..it secludes us in our homes. how many of us actually know the first and last names of our next door neighbors? days ago, we were OUTside all the time, but with the lovelee invention of video games and the internet.....(shakes her head, looks outside and wonders why she's not out there...)
all is not lost however. you make it happen. you wanna be stuck in a job, then you'll be stuck in a job. you wanna conform, you will. i know a few rebels, a few beatniks...a few who inspire me to not lay down and die.
what life is this? YOURS...who says you have to follow the rats in the maze? it may seem programmed and rehearsed but you know it isn't. lots of people are powder keg spirits just waiting for that spark. some people are looking the other way when it comes but most watch it hit and then *poof* off they go....

sometimes it takes 30 years (in my case) to realize i am more than a miniscule chip of frosting on the flakes of this life..but at least i realized it and not too late. no way am i going to lay down and die now. it's just starting for me. it's not too late...never is. the day you think that, may you rest in peace.

you can still run free, you can still embrace the open air, we may be socially inept and wallowing in the sickness that is our angst and pathos..but free spirits are never stopped...you are a free spirit in your thinking...make it work with your existence...run to the sea...just be.

as an elder of the group..best non-solicited advice i can give you is to keep your chin up, don't take the whole thing so seriously, see the world, meet as many people as you can, keep moving..even when you're not going anywhere.

look...! over there...see it???
here comes that spark my friend...

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if i had one dollar for every brain you don't have, i would have one dollar

[ProfessorFrink]

You know how much it pains me to agree with anything you say, but I have say that you are dead on about the internet stuff. Now don't let this go to your head because this will probably be the only thing we ever agree on. So we'll have to pretend to enjoy it while it lasts.

[Ger]

Nibbling...licking...

We have been trained to live a certain way in western civilization. The work ethic is strong. We want to buy comfort, be it a tranquil home or a few drinks. Maybe it's buying sex for some, or donating money to a worthy cause to give us our warm fuzzies. We lose sight of our personal selves early on, I think. All that schooling that's supposed to make us stronger as individuals, or make us more civilized, works the opposite way, touting "be like us, we are the teachers, pass it on". Our basic personalities get layers of concrete-like expectations slathered on them.

In your inner quest for freedom from the chains of commerce, you mention the free spirit. Society disdains the one that is free from routine & obligations. Society is jealous. And society wants to trap as many rats to run its large wheels of the system as possible. Some find safety & security in this role. They look for the small rewards along the way, & if they survive long enough, for the time when they no longer have to run. It's still noble though, to go back-packing somewhere. I think that's a call to live life in the moment, the concept of which you speak. You aren't alone in that wish for a simpler life.

We need people, the free spirits, who experience life like that to translate it for us. It's called art.
People who can profoundly feel something; they will express it for no other reason than to express it. Not for money, not for love, not for applause, just to get the feelings out. I think that is a step towards real freedom. What you do with your physical self reflects in that expression.
For example, Picasso had a desire to love (& fuck) intensely. He had many relationships, & with each one, his creativity evolved. He felt no inhibition about portraying his love life on canvas & with sculpture. How many of us could really do that? So we look to the artists for our outlet.

We listen to music (just to bring back some relevance) to dance, sing, feel what the artist was trying to express. When the music is intense & sad, we use that mood to work through our own emotions. If it is soaring & filled with love, we become elated, hopeful in our own lives to find something special for ourselves. And those who listen to music that is banal, poppy, vacant...well, they might never reach the heights & depths of emotion others do. Sad for them.

So, my darling Brain, I don't see your post as futile. I simply sense the primitive being inside you, raising a nostril to the air, sniffing for a scent, biding your time, knowing your physical reponses & instincts will tell you when the other is ripe, in season...

...last night I howled at the moon...

Your WolfWoman,
Ger







*All is Love, Love is All*

[Big Brain]

Your words speak mountains of truth, Ger, as does Ardy's. Yet I find alot of us who do want something different, something true to ourselves, can only go as far as words, words of true passion. And the lucky ones, the artists you speak of, can achieve a more concrete idea of this through their craft. But if we ever wanted it to be taken a step further, implement it into our lives and the people around us, we'll get bitten in the ass by the system, and sent to the slammer. I suppose I ask for too much. We can all find our own niche to accomodate our longings here and there; dammit, you howl at that moon Ger!

I read this book a while back, and I'm sure most of you have heard about it; Heart of Darkness. It puts things into perspective, the RIGHT perspective. Who are the savages? We, in our so called 'civilized' world, or the natives, the indians, the aboriginals, the true humans, who have formed a lasting bond with their surroundings, not a fueled war. I can't help but feel that as smart as we all claim to be, we as a society deny that our actions are wrong, that we have a right to pillage, exploit and murder this world.

Being of Latinamerican background I still feel a bolt of anger run through me when I think of the so-called discovery of the Americas. It sickens me to think that the Mayans, Aztecs and Incas were all put to slavery when the Spaniards arrived, and that a population of over 10 million indians across America dwindled to thousands in just over a century. The fucking common cold killed Indians like flys because their immune system knew not of such an illness... And now, about 500 years later, you can see the results. Latin America is one of the poorest areas in the world, and I must credit that to the 'glory' of the Europeans.

And now, today, after alot of history in alot of places has settled into place, we are left to build our own lives differently, to turn the wheel around. I'm glad we can achieve some of this on an individual level, but as you said Ger, most seem to be content as rats running in that large wheel of shit.






Nibble, don't bite.

[ProfessorFrink]

Many times we forget that some Native tribes were totatlly wiped out by other Native tribes who lived nearby and wanted their land.

[bluecow]

we are all just flakes of dandruff on the giant greasy hairball of life... hehe, i just thought of that and it amused me so i thought i'd share. /images/smile.gif

anyway, i was just thinking a lot of stuff along these lines a little while ago... i just started college and the first semester i hated all of my classes and i was thinking, why am i here? and all these people that go out and get hammered every day and get things pierced and all that, "rebelling" they're all just going to grow up and become corporate machines... just like their parents, just like everyone else... this whole "college life" thing... i don't get it... it's like people's last chance to have fun before they go out into the banality of adult life... i, however, am not into the whole "college life" thing... i think it's because i know i don't want to spend my life in an office, so i feel no need to go out and act like an ass now... maybe some people like that kinda thing, so i'm no one to judge that, but it's just not my cup o' tea. i don't know, the way i think of it now, i am in college because i don't feel like i know enough to go the rest of my life... i am here actually because i want to learn. i'm not here because i think it will get me a job... i don't especially care what kind of job i get (indicated by my intended major- German)... so i'll just have to worry about money when the time comes, but it's not worth spending the rest of my life sitting on my ass working for "the man."

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i want to taste
everyone i see