A song

[Rhuarc]

Ok need opinions....I write the lyrics for my band and just felt
like doing something this arvo...

so I always had these kinda words rolling in my head which are
in the first verse....TAKE NOTE that this was only written in five
minutes and there are no fancy lines or poetry :)

here it is

You walked into my sight.....Yeah
Walked into my mind, Ohhhh
Lingering in my shadows,
Into my fuckin life.

This is not your dream,
Not your fantasy,
Its my life....

Its not a crime,
To dream,
But to make me real,
Its just a lie...

This is not your dream,
Not your fantasy,
Its my reality

My eyes are no dream for your imagination

[anotherchild]

sounds good!

what kind of music do you play?

[Rhuarc]

rock/grunge

[Ger]

Although I'm no songwriter, I know what I like to hear in music. The words are a little too frilly for a heavier music, I think. You have to match harsh or dramatic words with the melody. So, if this is a slow, heavy song, maybe in a minor key, you need to either abbreviate more or make small sentences. For example:

You walked
Into me
My mind
In shadows
My fuckin life

or

You walked into my sight & straight up to my mind, you kept to the shadows, you stayed, right there, sat yourself down in my fuckin life.

I don't know if that's enough of the idea. Maybe that's why I'm not a songwriter, but I sure would love to be. My songs blow. I just shredded about 10 of them, they were all fucking disgustinglove songs.

Much Luck,
Ger

*All is Love, Love is All*