open the floodgates

[corduroykate]

i am trying so hard not to think about him but thats always where i end up. and i hate it. i am so good for him and he is horrible for me-i know that. well10% knows that but 90% doesn't seem to grasp the idea. it would be so easy to pick up the phone and ask him to pick me up and go somewhere and i know that if i wanted to i could sleep with him. ive thought about how the phone conversation would go. waht he'd say and what i'd say. played it all out like a movie. but i havent called. and i know i wont. but it sort of scares me that i'm even thinking about it. how can someone so detrimental to your growth keep such a strong grasp on your heart? that should be against the laws of nature.

you say that midnight opens it's arms to me...

[Not_Trapped]

hmmmmmmmmm-you're going to school soon, right? cool people are at school-just wait

dominic

[_om_]

are you scared of entertaining the thought of this guy not being mr right, but mr right now?
i don't think that is a bad thing really.
someone from here told me it i was having self esteem issues which prevented me from letting go. it is a pill to swallow but i think all in all, its true.
once you realize it i think you will really be ok because you will know how to fix it. plus, not_trapped is right. you are going to school in less than 3 weeks and everything i mean everything will change after that. a month into school you will be asking "photography boy who?"


Om1

[peacefulness]

I know what you mean about someone that shouldn't have such a strong hold on your heart having such a hold. My situation is slightly different in that the guy that I can't stop thinking about no matter how hard I try is taken and isn't even interested. However, I am going back to school and I'm thinking that getting outta here will help. I hope so anyhow. In fact, I head back tomorrow. /images/smile.gif So, we'll do it together. haha We'll move on and 'see things clearer once [they're] in [our] rearviewmirror.' /images/wink.gif Pearl Jam's great.

Good luck, c-kate.

~Melanie

"I'd get gills put on my sides.. Like fish gills.. Uh huh, that's what I'd want." ~M-Brains

[prism]

>how can someone so detrimental to your growth keep such a strong grasp on your heart?<

I can only speak from personal experiance cause lord knows that I used to always fall for the guys that I KNEW deep down were no good for me( the bad boys). but I think that it boils down to the fact that I wanted to *fix* their problems, that if I just loved them enough that if I was was sweet and caring and took care of them that all there major faults(alcohol, drugs) would cease and they would be ALL better. this my dear is delusional thinking. and it's a hard thing to have to accept that love cannot *fix* people. you cannot change someone that doesn't wanna change no matter how much you love them. anyway I don't know if this even relates to you situation or if I'm even making any sense so I'll shut up now.

this is one of my all time favorite quotes: My head knows what my heart still seeks to learn.

[13throwcenter]

be grateful and pleased with yourself that you are resisting that which your soul knows is not good for you.... the majority of women don't have the strength to do it and have to experience this many times over before figuring it out. it's natural for you to continue to think about him, i think it is curiosity- you don't *really* know how something will turn out until you try it- that is why you continue to think about it, in your mind you really want to believe it could be good, even tho something in your soul is telling you it's not the right thing for you.
unfortunately, you'll probably experience this at least a few times in your life of loves. /images/crazy.gif just listen to your soul, it won't steer you wrong /images/wink.gif





war is god's way of teaching americans geography~ ambrose bierce

[corduroykate]

i guess what scares me is how easy it would be to call him and say "come and pick me up" and go home with him. it shouldn't be that easy. i shouldn't even be entertaining that thought, and it makes me a little ashamed of myself that i am. my brain and my heart are always on two different roads. i know i wont call him and that i'll forget about it, but it's getting from now to then that is painstakingly difficult.

you say that midnight opens it's arms to me...

[corduroykate]

and nan, you and i suffer from the same "fix it" condition, this kid is a sad kid. he has a good heart but he is so broken, so so broken and that complicates things...i know for a fact that i could help mikey, i would be the best thing that ever happened to him, but the cost of that is too much for me. it would drain me. and i'm not sure he would be able to give that love back to me.

you say that midnight opens it's arms to me...