My paper: read if you can,

[Highway23]

...thanks...just would like any feedback at all. Negative, positive, anything. I hand it in on tuesday so any help would be appreciated. Thanks so much.




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[rockrighter]

Wow. For a uni/college paper I would have thought it would have to be much longer. :oP I was completely prepared to go another few pages.

It's a pretty good expository. It does feel like you're skimming the surface, but given the length and considering what other restrictions or instructions your prof. might have given you, I can see why that might be so. Good references, especially in the 3rd paragraph. Being the geek that I am, I noticed some slight grammatical errors. :oP

Thanks for posting. And now on to Phil's . . .

See the violence inherent in the system? Help, help! I'm being repressed!

[Phil]

"What is selling out exactly? One could easily say that to sell out is to: “sell out a concert venue.” Yet the term that I am defining is far from that. The term “sell out” that I am referring to is the one which many music listeners and fans label an artist who they believe is using their musical talents solely for the purpose of making money and the commercializing of their music."

Personally, I would have put it this way:

"The most direct definition of the term "selling out" in the music industry refers to "selling out" a concert venue. But ironically, the term can have a negative meaning as well, as it can also be a label fans or fellow musicians give an artist whom they believe is using their talent solely for the purpose of making money."

I think you get a little wordy sometimes, too... go through and look for redundancies and general, unsupported statements -if you don't have a source for strong statements, make them less strong by saying "sometimes" or "some" people etc. Always try to make your papers look like journal articles, written to your "colleagues" -I hate that word. Appeal to the stuffed shirts. And LOSE THIS: "Take the artist Moby for instance"... Instead say something like "For example, techno musician Moby is..." Or if not techno, then whatever the hell Moby is other than a giant jackass.

Good luck...

You'll probably do fine on it even if you don't do much with it, but I'm a picky pain in the ass The info is good and it's not poorly written, just a little bit informal.

Let me know if you have any questions. I'll be glad to help...


"Hi, my name is Ed, and I once used a synthesizer on a demo song..." -Fake Ed quote, 1/02

[Highway23]

Thanks Phil. That will help.

Kinda makes me feel shitty knowing that I'm supposed to be an English major (writing/literature) yet still don't really write that great of papers. Oh well


this thing only has to be 3-5 pages. Nothing too long. Not like some others that I have to do later this year. Double spaced it comes out to nearly a full 5 so that's fine with me. Just looking for a 4.0 /images/wink.gif hehehe

thanks :)

I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours. Dylan(Talkin' World War III Blues, 1963)