bluecow
04-19-2001, 01:46 PM
> >Subject: " RULES THAT GUYS WISH GIRLS KNEW "
> >
> > "RULES THAT GUYS WISH GIRLS KNEW "
> >Please note...these are all numbered #1 ON PURPOSE!
> >
> >1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to
> >answer.
> >
> >1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
> >down.
> >
> >1. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
> >short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
> >married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.
> >
> >1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can
> >find the perfect present yet again!
> >
> >1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to; expect an answer you
> >do not want to hear.
> >
> >1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
> >
> >1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to
> >discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster
> >trucks.
> >
> >1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
> >Let it be.
> >
> >1. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that
> >way.
> >
> >1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
> >Really.
> >
> >1. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
> >
> >1. Crying is blackmail.
> >
> >1. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
> >
> >1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
> >work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
> >
> >1. No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on
> >a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
> >
> >1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be
> >any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your
> >dress?
> >
> >1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
> >
> >1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
> >we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
> >
> >1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
> >
> >1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
> >
> >1. Check your oil. Please.
> >
> >1. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.
> >
> >1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
> >all comments become null and void after 7 days.
> >
> >1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
> >act like soap opera guys.
> >
> >1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
> >makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
> >
> >1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
> >
> >1. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
> >
> >1. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done
> >not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
> >
> >1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
> >commercials.
> >
> >1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
> >
> >1. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to
> >complain about having their boobs stared at. More women should wear
> >Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs.
> >
> >1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months
> >we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends - like
> >THEIR relationship is SO MUCH better.
> >
> >1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach, for
> >example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea
> >what mauve is.
> >
> >1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
> >
> >1. If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the
> >closet, attic, basement or worse, the garbage.
> >
> >1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading
> >ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
> >
> >1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
> >nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
> >hassle.
> >
> >1. What the hell is a doily?
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > "RULES THAT GUYS WISH GIRLS KNEW "
> >Please note...these are all numbered #1 ON PURPOSE!
> >
> >1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to
> >answer.
> >
> >1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
> >down.
> >
> >1. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
> >short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
> >married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.
> >
> >1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can
> >find the perfect present yet again!
> >
> >1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to; expect an answer you
> >do not want to hear.
> >
> >1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
> >
> >1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to
> >discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster
> >trucks.
> >
> >1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
> >Let it be.
> >
> >1. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that
> >way.
> >
> >1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
> >Really.
> >
> >1. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
> >
> >1. Crying is blackmail.
> >
> >1. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
> >
> >1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
> >work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
> >
> >1. No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on
> >a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
> >
> >1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be
> >any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your
> >dress?
> >
> >1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
> >
> >1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
> >we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
> >
> >1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
> >
> >1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
> >
> >1. Check your oil. Please.
> >
> >1. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.
> >
> >1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
> >all comments become null and void after 7 days.
> >
> >1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
> >act like soap opera guys.
> >
> >1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
> >makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
> >
> >1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
> >
> >1. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
> >
> >1. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done
> >not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
> >
> >1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
> >commercials.
> >
> >1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
> >
> >1. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to
> >complain about having their boobs stared at. More women should wear
> >Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs.
> >
> >1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months
> >we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends - like
> >THEIR relationship is SO MUCH better.
> >
> >1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach, for
> >example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea
> >what mauve is.
> >
> >1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
> >
> >1. If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the
> >closet, attic, basement or worse, the garbage.
> >
> >1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading
> >ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
> >
> >1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
> >nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
> >hassle.
> >
> >1. What the hell is a doily?
> >
> >
> >