HELP! (seriously, i need some advice!)

[no_name]

well, i felt like being anonymous today, (i know i didn't spell that right)... i'm not new here, i am someone you all know and love (well, i'm not too sure about the latter there... hehe), but i am having definte problems right now and i need some advice... it will probably be pretty obvious to some of you who i am after you read this here story... right now, i must say, i really hate men.

Monday: there's a cute boy in my english class with a pearl jam hat, i talk to him, we go get ice cream... Wednesday, he tells me about this Radiohead movie that they're showing at the art museum here, asks if i want to go, i give him my number, Thursday, last night, he calls, we go to the movie with some of his friends who all happened to be on acid (he wasn't though), so then after the movie (it was a pretty good movie though... really fucking weird), we went back to his dorm, sat around and talked for a little while, i told him that i'd never smoked pot before, he couldn't believe this so then he went and got some from one of his friends, went to his room to roll joints, he was all impressed with himself cuz he never did that before and they actually turned out pretty well.

so we went outside, walked around campus smoking pot, not the best place to do it, i'd say, it didn't get to me though... i just felt a little tired... he told me he loves being with people the first time they're smoking. eventually we got to this party at his friend's house, i had a beer which was the nastiest thing i've ever tasted, then went upstairs with 3 other people and smoked a bong, that time, i felt it.

we left the party soon after that... he gets really really quiet when he's stoned, we hardly talked the whole way back... i had no idea where we were most of the time, i mean seriously, if he wasn't there i don't know if i would have found my way home... and it's not that i'd never been there before, i think it was the pot... it was weird, like i had this feeling that the only thing that existed was right where i was... there was nothing else around me, i could hear everything really... magnified (yeah, it was my first time smoking pot, that's what it felt like... is this normal?) like, i could hear myself breathing, i could hear him breathing, our footsteps, my heartbeat...

so then we get to campus and then he starts kinda walking behind me, put his arm around my waist, pushing against me, then we start making out, he's quite sloppy... after a couple minutes he says "lets go somewhere" i said no (i have a fucking boyfriend at home!) and what's really kinda scary is i wanted to... i really did. i was unbelievably horny right then... damn, so then we walked some more, not talking, then he starts kissing me again then we walked holding hands back to my dorm... i have no idea how we got there, between that time that he kissed me right then to when we got to my dorm- i have no memory of that at all... so we get there, i say that i really should get going, he says alright, kisses me again, says bye, and walks away.

what the fuck am i supposed to do! i have a boyfriend! this may not seem that terribly abnormal to some people, but to me it is... high school and college are totally different worlds and i'm just realizing this now. before monday i'd hardly talked to this guy and by thursday he's asking me if i want to "go somewhere." i've been such a boring, good little girl for so long... i don't drink much- only been a bit tipsy 3 or 4 times... never touched an illegal drug in my life before yesterday... i've always said that cheating on my boyfriend was the last thing i would ever do... what have i done? he never seemed like he would do that normally... he turned into an entirely different person after the pot... he's such a nice guy but then he was so... different... what i want to know is, is that the only reason he asked me to the movie? is that all he wanted? are guys really assholes? will he talk to me again or avoid me and pretend that none of this happened?

[poopypants]

damm that story makes me want to give it to you with my 11 inch throttle...don't worry so much, damm--daddy will be there soon

Oral Arnie

[no_name]

aaaahh poop, somehow i don't think that's what i need right now.

speaking of poop, all over the stairwell of his dorm someone wrote POOP, it reminded me of you /images/smile.gif

[Just_Jam_Please]

Hey no name/images/smile.gif Now what I am about to say may not be what you want to hear. As a former pothead (high school and first year in college) I know that drugs will turn people into strangers. They might be fun and nice and whatever when they're not stoned, but once they smoke a doobie or whatever (drop acid) they turn very different. With that in mind this person thinks that they can do anything without suffering the consequences and is a reason for so much rape on college campuses. And because you are new to the world of college, I hate to say this, but many of the guys on campus are just looking for a quick piece of ass. The rule of thumb I used was that they had to prove themselves as something different first and then anything between the two of us could happen. I'm sorry that is probably the LAST thing you wanted to hear, but those are my experiences with drugs and college guys.

Now as far as the situation with your boyfriend. I don't know you details, but I have learned that long distance relationships don't work. And believe you me I KNOW all about the long distance thing. I think that what happened with you last night is normal. When you are in a new setting you will try new things and that includes seeing different people. Don't feel guilty or bad b/c it's normal to experiment at your age. I offer you this piece of advice though......take a good, long look at your relationship and try to be objective.

Well, those are my two cents. I hope it helped and that you don't resent me for what I said. Good luck to you/images/smile.gif

Just hand me the coffee and everything will be okay. Fuckin' hand it over damn it!!!/images/smile.gif

[mtgirl]

this is not simple shit. number one, just hang in there and don't let it overwhelm you. ok so about the using mind altering substances, i hope you *did* want to smoke, and didn't do it just cause he brought the joint. if you ever feel like you shouldn't be doing something, you probably aren't in the right frame of mind to do it. ok the next thing i think is troublesome is how quickly this guy is moving in on you. what it sounds like from this perspective is that he is a horny college guy, which i human, and he might think, wow there's this really cool chic who's diggin me, so the next reasonable step is to fuck her! so it might not be that he is consciously being disrespectful, but especially when you don't know the person well, under the influence is not the time to be making moves. no one knows what he's thinking, so it's impossible to decide whether or not he has evil intentions. ok so the next thing is about how you have a b/f at home and you found yourself quite tempted by this pj fan guy. i think you should make a decision, before the next opportunity you have to cheat on your b/f, whether or not you want to be tied to him. it's really tough stuff, for sure, but i think you should either talk to him and say, i love you, i want to be with you, but we aren't together spacially and i think it's a good opportunity for us to be open to other people. or you should just forget it and not cheat on him. i highly suggest the first option, cause, as my mom would say and totally piss me off, you should be open to other people. you aren't married and how will you know anything about any other boys if you don't explore. college is a good place to have short relationships to learn from. that's all really easy to say, but for reals, i think it's important to see what's out there cause maybe you already have the very best there is or maybe you are blind to some downsides in your b/f that you should be aware of. anyway, there's my 2 cents. hang in there. (((((('no_name'))))))) :)

cute boys make me wanna get drunk

[csmooth24]

if you truly love your boyfriend...stay with him...don't let college influences change that...

but you never know...college may give you a different perspective on what you want...it looks like it already has...

do what your heart tells you...whether its smoking pot, drinking or hooking up with some guy...

/images/cool.gifchris/images/cool.gif
"elvis isn't dead, he's just on vacation with jim morrison"

[mtgirl]

aww that's so sweet ;) just remember no name, all guys aren't as cool as poopypants.

cute boys make me wanna get drunk

[mtgirl]

yah, that's what bong hits will do to you....bong hits mmm. ok ignore that. so also, something else i thought of is that even if you didn't have a b/f, i don't think you should've done much more than make out with him anyway. ha! listen to me! as if i haven't violated that one before! that's besides the point tho, other than, even i, mtgirl the great :P, can't always do what i think is right. so it really is best to try to let, you know, more than a week of knowing someone pass before hookin it up. i hope i don't sound like a mother or a know it all

cute boys make me wanna get drunk

[no_name]

yeah, i was talking to one of my friends last night and i told her even if i didn't have a bf, this guy was going way too fast.
thanks for the advice everyone has given so far! i'm still very confused though...

[jamijams]

hi no name....firstly, as a bonafied afficionado of the green, I would have to say, that while it can change your mood, perspective, etc. (and yes, the heightened senses thing is *normal* for being stoned) in my experiences with getting stoned, it does NOT change personality nearly as dramatically as alcohol. the combination of the two can also be pretty icky, in my opinion they just don't mix - you always end up sick. alcohol, in my opinion, is a much stronger manipulator of personality than pot, ive never known anyone to become violent, beligerent, etc. after smoking a joint. secondly, i would have to say, take it from someone who didn't screw around while she was young, jumped into a serious relationship at 19...and at 25 is now feeling very much like an old woman whose had no fun....HAVE FUN WITH BOYS (or girls, whatever) while you are young. Be safe, and responsible, but by all means, allow experiencing other people to help you form yourself, people bring many different things into our lives, and you should learn from each of them. Honesty with your boyfriend is also key, and youknow what, he probably should be out doing the same things....you don't want to wake up one day and be 40 with kids, and never have had the chance to experience other people. if you don't feel comfortable or safe having sex with someone, by all means, trust your inner guiding voice, but have fun...thats what being young is for. ((((((noname))))))

You bring about what you think about

[no_name]

well, he had about 3 beers and more pot than i did, and i must say that i was pretty bad. i did want to try it though, it's not like he made me. i do want to experiment... it's just that my boyfriend is against like, having a relationship yet seeing other people.

[Just_Jam_Please]

I agree with Jami that alcohol changes peoples personality a lot more than pot. The combination of both together (which I, from your post, the guy was doing both) though is even a stranger mix. Pot is a mild drug in comparison to alcohol. I think the most violent thing I ever did when I was stoned was hit someone on the head b/c they took my bag of chips that I was munching on /images/smile.gif Alcohol, especially on college campuses, causes more violent acts. So, I agree with my sistah there in saying that pot wouldn't change someone as alcohol would.

That's my three cents/images/tongue.gif

Just hand me the coffee and everything will be okay. Fuckin' hand it over damn it!!!/images/smile.gif

[Phil]

Okay, this is my second time typing this goddamn manifesto because my groggy just-got-outta-bed arse Xed out the window by accident at the preview screen, but anyway...


If you're having second thoughts, you owe it to your boyfriend to make a clean break if you want to um... 'shop around'. Don't sneak around behind his back, because cheating is, to me, anyway, INEXCUSABLE. And maybe College Boy isn't boyfriend material (more on College Boy in a moment), but if you're questioning things, you have to think about where your current relationship is going. There's no middle ground there. You have to go one way or the other.

As for College Boy, I find it pretty sketchy that he wanted to have sex the first time you hung out. Speaking from experience, I would NEVER ask a girl to have sex after the first time we hung out if I liked her. And also speaking from experience, a lot of guys ARE out for one thing at that early college age. It doesn't mean they're all assholes, and maybe he DOES like you, but take it slow and play it smart. Don't do anything till you're ready to, especially if you're expecting a relationship.

As for smokin' the ol Wacky Tobackee and drinking Beer Glorious Beer, don't consider it a monumental thing... it isn't going to ruin your life or even change it for the worse if you start doing that stuff, as long as you use your head. Personally, I've never smoked weed, but I take exception to your claim that Beer is 'nasty' /images/tongue.gif.

So anyway, you kinda have to act here regarding your relationship. Maybe you need to move on, or maybe you don't want to deep down. Only you can decide, but don't cheat, whatever you do. There are enough people in this world who do that to their boyfriends and girlfriends. Try to be honest and straightforward.

And KEEP DRINKING THAT BEER!! It's an acquired taste/images/laugh.gif

That's it for now... good luck/images/smile.gif

[no_name]

hey, i like beer, it's just that this was some cheap ass dark beer... and i do like dark beer, but this stuff was just BAD.

i too think cheating is really bad... like the worst thing to do to someone, and yes, i realize i'll probably have to break up with The Boyfriend.

As for College Boy, i just want to see him when he's not stoned, see what he says about this and everything. i'm going home for easter, so i won't see College Boy for a couple days at least. But i will be home, and i will deal with The Boyfriend.

[13throwcenter]

you know, i would love to share some wise words with you, but it seems that everyone here has pretty much said everything I would have said anyway. Just let me reiterate a couple of things... YOU ARE YOUNG, HAVE FUN. DON'T LIMIT YOURSELF. DO WHAT FEELS COMFORTABLE TO YOU, BUT DON'T BE AFRAID TO EXPERIMENT. Believe me, I jumped into a long term relationship when I was 22 and even though I had experienced a few years of single fun, it wasn't enough, so here I am at 32 and a single mom, making up for lost time. Now I'm having a GREAT time, but there is a whole lot more to consider than just myself while I am having that great time. I wish I would have done it a long time ago, but life is life and this is the way it goes sometimes. At least now I recognize that I only get one shot at it and I'm going to make the most of it while I can.

Hang in there girlie girl... as everyone has already said, what you are feeling and thinking is totally NORMAL. Just stay true to yourself and you'll do fine.




"No More Airplanes Tour 1974"

[mtgirl]

phil, will you marry me? you *are* so cool:) and noname, what phil said about beer. altho, if just don't ever aquire the taste, you do avoid many calories and save lots of money.

cute boys make me wanna get drunk

[mtgirl]

hafuckingha! re the chips! lmao big time. both things are fun if you are into it and in control. and the worst hangovers possible are from a combo. as far as changing personallities, i think if weed or beer changes your personality you are hiding a lot when you are sober. but yah you definately act differently on shtuff

cute boys make me wanna get drunk

[no_name]

thanks again all! i'm out for the weekend.

[mtgirl]

ok i'll stop blabbing in awhile. if you're lucky :) but i just also wanted to say that you should also analyze the b/f sitch before just totally dumping the guy. a good relationship is an amazing thing. i know a few people who came to college in agreement with their sig. other that they would be free to get to know other people. if your guy really cares about you and is resonable, he should see that it might be best. it's confusing shit alright, but i also know people who are good at living in the now and basically whomever is around at the time that they are interested in is who they are sort of with, but at the same time they remain an independant person, they don't get too attached. and then when that person is gone, they still remember the good times they shared, but don't feel any obligation to them. it think that's a good way to go when you're at an age where you're moving around a lot and figuring it all out.

cute boys make me wanna get drunk

[Phil]

Wow... a marriage proposal....

Sure, mt. Boy, our kids are gonna have a drinking problem/images/laugh.gif

[poopypants]

I will take you out tonight and we can mold dildos out of peanut butter

Toll Booth Willy

[13throwcenter]

well now that's an interesting proposal.
Hey, i have no plans tonight, can I come along?
I was just telling Phil how "bored" i am.


"No More Airplanes Tour 1974"

[mtgirl]

are you suggesting that i drink alot? ;P

cute boys make me wanna get drunk

[csmooth24]

i think you should drink a lot! i am! /images/tongue.gif

/images/cool.gifchris/images/cool.gif
"elvis isn't dead, he's just on vacation with jim morrison"

[Phil]

Well, for a girl. /images/tongue.gif