Life Questions #20

[poopypants]

Let's Go Flyers---

Coming down from a terrible Flyers loss last night(I was in the stands wearing a Michael Myers mask with my Flyers jersey, very stylish and comforting for the children) I figured I could temporarily quench your thirst for knowledge with some timely words of wisdom. Instead of rambling on about Guidos(who i will be tragically exposed to again this weekend in North Jersey) and instead of trying to figure out how and why people use anal beads and ass plugs I will touch base on many things that have been roaming inside my head as of late. Maybe it was the obscene amount of sqeef i smoked last night or my usual restlessness when not bopping the bologna before slumber, but I had problems falling asleep and thus began to think about life.....has anyone watched that show on the food channel called "The Naked Chef"? It is the worst motherfucking show about this obnoxious British shit-head kid who thinks he's Chef Tell and cooks these lavish meals for his other European slimeball buddies. And his accent might be worse than Fran Drescher's thus allowing me to ponder hopping into my bathtub and dropping in a hair dryer. And the worst thing is, the show is on at like 1am so it's the last thing i see before i go to bed(for some unholy reason i am unable to change the channel forcing myself to be poisoned by this arrogant prick) and consequently giving my horrible nightmares about British people and parsley..... Have you ever wondered why there is always a massive puddle of urine right under the urinal? This always threw me for a loop. Apparently when you are finished urinating you have to knead and squeeze your dick over the floor rather then into the urinal, as to create this yellow sea of stickiness that i am forced to straddle like a ballet dancer every time i piss. And all these years i was doing it wrong....Can someone please tell me why every time you're at a crowded bar and everyone is asshole-to-elbow trying their best to make it across the room, there is always this group of losers(usually 4 people: two fat chicks, one guy on cruthches, and the other guy wearing a "Spin Doctors" T-Shirt, all drinking Budweiser and trying to look like they fit in despite their fanny packs and Sears clothing) who are standing right in the walking path, the absolute worst place a group of people could be standing at a time when every open path is a blessing. They'll be right at the bottom of the staircase or right in the direct path to the bathroom. It is at these times when i wish murder was legal.....how about the times when you're on an interstate trying to get home from work and you're going 80 mph and then it comes to a complete stop. Then you start moving again, then stop, then move, then stop, all the while unable to figure out why in the fuck this goddamm traffic is stopping when there is no sign of an accident. Then you finally come across some cop who has pulled over Chico for having white brakes lights and you realize that all these stupid fucking Americans were involved in what's commonly known as the 'gaper delay' where everyone slows down to see what's going on, hoping it's some cop banging a prostitute over the hood of his Monte Carlo. I wish I had machine guns and rocket launchers attached to the front of my car a la Spy Hunter so i could mow everyone down and make my ride a more smooth one.....I hate taking a shit on a foreign toilet and realizing your dick is pressed up against the lip of the front of the toilet seat where everyone else's dick has recently been, yuck....i hate TRL and wish the Chinese would drop a bomb on times square any time between 3-5 Monday thru Friday, most preferably when NSYNC is in town.....is there really anything worse than going into someone's freezer and seeing not only that there is no automatic ice machine but also the ice cube trays are empty?....can someone please PLEASE assasinate the following bands: Offspring, Blink-182, O-Town, Destiny's Child, Rush(sorry, that guy's voice is horrible), 3 Doors Down, Shaggy, Buckcherry, TLC, and LeAnne Rymes....can someone please bring these bands back to life: Alice in Chains, Kool & the Gang, Thompson Twins, the old Duran Duran (a la Reflex), Bel Biv Divoe (i loved 'do me'), Tony Tone Toni, Soundgarden, Wham!, Samantha Fox, and The Divinyls(i touch myself rocks)....i am a troll

1.When you masturbate, do you need a catalyst(porn, vibrator, magazines) or do you simply use your mind for fantasy re-enactment?

2.Have any of you women actually shot milk out of your boobies? I see that shit in porn and I am always astonished. Any guys seen that shit or what?

3.What's the most gruesome thing you've ever seen in your life?

4.If you had to lose either an arm or a leg, which would you choose and why?

5.What is your biggest pet peeve?

6.What is your favorite Def Leppard song?

BONUS(er):How far would you go for money?

A)Would you let a horse fuck you for $1,000,000?
B)Or would you give it a blowjob for $10,000,000?


My Answers

1.I ususally use my always vivid imagination picturing all of you beautiful women on this message board ridin me tough.
2.Dudes I would love to check out some dairy, but i guess that's more of a preganant thing i guess.
3.The most gruesome thing, besides an ex-girlfriend's beaver, would have to be a picture of 'The View's Star Jones on the beach in a bathing suit. Or that autopsy photo of Chris Farley dead in his living room (see www.rotten.com)
4.God, I would say leg because I could still play my guitar and hold myself up when i have sex.
5.My biggest pet peeve are people who pick their nose in my house and flick their boogers on the floor thinking i don't see them, that and people who are dishonest. Dishonest people should be given lethal injection.
6.'Hysteria' baby, no doubt
BONUS(er): Seeing that both are sheer horror, I'll take B and collect an extra nine million.

Honestly,

Poopy "the romanian romeo" Pants

[csmooth24]

sorry...i didn't have time to read the story today....

here are my answers...

1. either for me...the mind works but a little outside visual stimulation is nice...

2. at a buddies bachelor party the stripper was lactating on everyone...it was kinda funny...some of the guys thought it was the coolest thing ever to get milk on their faces! /images/tongue.gif

3. not sure...i will come back to this...

4. arm...i like to walk...but it would have to be my left...i am a righty...

5. i actually hate the word pet peeve...

6. pour some sugar on me! no doubt!

both...that is a lot of $$$

/images/cool.gifchris/images/cool.gif
"elvis isn't dead, he's just on vacation with jim morrison"

[bluecow]

1. Imagine

2. i can't do it, never seen it.

3. uhh... here, see if this link works... i can't go to that site now cuz there are too many people in this computer lab... this is bad http://www.bme.FreeQ.com and go to near the bottom where it says EXTREME or whatever, click on the links to male pics... sorry i can't be more specific with the link but again, too many people around. oh yeah, this is pretty bad too, though there are no pics on this one www.dolphinsex.org ... now that is some fucked up shit.

4. leg... because i need my arms cuz i may major in art, and i play the cello, uke, bass, etc.

5. people in general. especially stupid people, snobby pretentious people. i also hate it when people bite their nails.

6. i don't know... i'm too young to remember any.

boner: eww, i don't think so... it's not worth it... again, this question almost applies to the dolphin link i posted above... don't you think this sort of thing could be harmful? option A seems like it would hurt a lot, B seems like it would probably choke a person.

[13throwcenter]

whoa... .all of a sudden the colors of the board are tripping out on me! Yikes.

Those were some deep thoughts, Mr.P. As always, thanks for sharing.

1. My mind works fine, no need for a catalyst, altho sometimes the toy thing is fun. So nice to know we Jammer chicks are part of your routine, Mr. P.

2. Yes I have, not as a part of anything sexual tho. Once you have breast fed a child, you see the breasts as multi-functional. I spent a good deal of time in the break room pumping out breast milk.... always a favorite way to spend a lunch break. /images/crazy.gif

3. gruesome thing... ugh. One time when I was like 12 we were driving to my grandparents' house for Easter I think... it was dark outside and we were on a two lane highway. We were probably travelling at about 40-50 mph and suddenly my dad swerved to miss hitting a dog in the road. For some ungodly reason, i turned around to look out the back window, just in time to see the car behind us hit it. It was terrible. I buried my head in my pillow and was paralyzed for about an hour after that. Also, I once helped one of the xray techs at work with a guy who had a compound fracture of his humerus... ugh... his arm was all twisted and the smell of the blood was just indescribable....

4. Arm... it would drive me nuts to have to slow down my pace, I am a very fast walker. I could manage with only one arm. Besides, one of my favorite things to do is wrap my long legs around a guy's torso...mmmmmmm

5. Pet Peeve... i have many and i can never remember all the good ones when I am asked this question. I hate it when people talk on cell phones at the check out stand in a store... so RUDE! I hate seeing stuff that can be recycled in the regular trash. I also hate it when chicks dye their dark hair totally white blonde.... what is the fucking point?

6. Oh god, there are so many, poopy! They used to be *MY* band way back in the day... I can't choose only one! The whole fucking Hysteria album ruled, especially Armageddon It, Hysteria, Animal, but then there was Pyromania and Rock of Ages and Photograph and F-F-F-FOOLIN'! God it's been SO long since I listened to the Leps I know I am forgetting some of the lesser known songs that were so good too. Wow....that brings back some memories of a wild spring about 13 years ago...*sigh*

BONER:... damn, I've seen a horse penis and that is scary....since there was no time limit mentioned, I'll go with B and walk away with the cool $10 Mill.


"No More Airplanes Tour 1974"

[vitolochica]

I'm disturbed...oh so very disturbed...very very disturbed.....

y para ser más franca nadie piensa en ti como lo hago yo aunque te dé lo mismo...

[bluecow]

i told you it was bad.

[13throwcenter]

oh god....they are talking about HUMANS having sex with Dolphins???? EEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!




"No More Airplanes Tour 1974"

[poopypants]

hold on i gotta check this out now...

[poopypants]

shit i thought there were pictures, oh well

[vitolochica]

hey popster, here be my answers:

1. my mind is good enough for me though...pictures enhance that sometimes...

2. nope, but I can't wait until I do...

3. I'll have to say...a really bad car accdent somewhere in Nevada....it was bad, very very bad...

4. my left arm, I need my legs to walk and to wrap around my man, also I'm righ handed...

5. insecure catty jealous bitches...

6. Never really liked Def Leppard, give me Scorpions any day!

Bonus: neither, I have self respect plus, I really really like horses...(just not enough to do that). :)

y para ser más franca nadie piensa en ti como lo hago yo aunque te dé lo mismo...

[13throwcenter]

ooooooooh the scorps! I loved them too.... Here I am... rock you like a hurricane!!!




"No More Airplanes Tour 1974"

[poopypants]

didn't like def leppard! AAAAHHH, that's not possible..are you tellin me you didn't like GnR or duran duran either? there have got to be some duran duran fans in this piece..come out and show yourselves!

[13throwcenter]

i agree, how could you not like Def Leppard?
Duran Duran... of course I liked them, wasn't that required of those of us coming of age in the mid eighties?! Oh wait... most of you *weren't* coming of age in the mid eighties...



"No More Airplanes Tour 1974"

[poopypants]

hey, i may have been 7 years old but those guys rocked...i had every tape and posters to match...i can still listen to them today and not be ashamed..long live DD

[13throwcenter]

i think i was only 15, wouldn't that have made you only 5?




"No More Airplanes Tour 1974"

[sky I scrape]

I was hoping for some Jessica Alba action from when she was on the "new Flipper."

[poopypants]

well i wasn't around when the first album came out, i was probably about 2 when it did. But i remember being in first grade or second grade(which would have made me 7) and rocking Seven and the Ragged Tiger, Rio, Arena, and the first album self-titled. God i used to love those motherfuckers.

[13throwcenter]

So why don't you use it?
Try not to bruise it
Buy time don't lose it
The reflex is an only child he's waiting in the park
The reflex is in charge of finding treasure in the dark
And watching over lucky clover isn't that bizarre
Every little thing the reflex does
Leaves you answered with a question mark

I loved the Rio video... i remember SO wanting to be on that boat!



"No More Airplanes Tour 1974"

[vitolochica]

I adored them all...Def Leppard was cool, their drummer kicked ass...but they never did anything for me, really....

Guns N Roses...my older brother rocks! If it wasn't for him, I would have never discovered Pink Floyd and GNR...I was 7 when the legendary Appetite For destruction was released, I rememeber hearing Paradise City and Young Lust from PF and thinking "My God, how long until I'm a woman?" Yup, GNR was the very first band that made me feel like a woman...I can't believe I am actually telling you guys this--it's kind of embarassing but whatever, it's not like you guys will tease me anymore than I already have been...Sweet Child O' Mine was the song that I would play every night before I went to bed...come to think of it, I still play it whenever I can't fall asleep; it brings me peace and comfort and Slash's playing (a guitar genius in my mind) takes me to a special place every time I hear it...

Scorpions...my sister and I had a crush on the lead singer Klaus Meine he was my first "Rock Star" crush LOL....Winds of Change, I can't stop loving you, Rock you like a hurricane...I could go on and on....they still kick ass.

Bon Jovi...Jon Bon Jovi was and still is a damn beautiful man...though the lyrics aree kinda cheesy BJ ruled my world from the moment I purchased Slippery When Wet...they are like some serious rockers and Ritchie sambora is a fine guitarist...You give love a bad name, Living in sin, the classic Living on a Prayer, Always, Bed of Roses, Keep the Faith, Never Say Good Bye....oh yeah, at some point I wanted to move to New Jersey....

Poison...Brett Michaels was my second crush...Every rose has its thorn is such a beautiful love song...yeah yeah...its corny but that's what makes it so damn good...Something to believe in is also a great song.

So there you have it, ask me anything about hair bands and I'll tell you....they were a huge part of my youth, but Def Leppard....they never *turned me on* nor did they ever make me want to be a woman.....

y para ser más franca nadie piensa en ti como lo hago yo aunque te dé lo mismo...

[poopypants]

thanks for sharing, that was nice...you forgot "Lay Your Hands on Me" darlin

[vitolochica]

and "Lay your hands on me", just for you darlin

y para ser más franca nadie piensa en ti como lo hago yo aunque te dé lo mismo...

[mtgirl]

i used to play that shit all the time. damn. now all i have is this computer :P anyway.... you forgot to have rage brought back to life and and you forgot to have whomever the fuck sings that dumb graduation song severely tortured and then killed.

1 every once in a blue moon a little visual stim ie. vid or mag is nice, but usually i'm too lazy. i've been going all out vibrator lately cause like i said, i'm lazy. sometimes i'm even to lazy for mental stim and just go for it. i think that's kind of scary.

2 no milk up in here. that would just add to the mess and be dumb anyway

3 dude! that chris farley shit is fucked up poop. damn wierdos. anyway, probably either this video that my shithead friend made of our friend fucking my shit-it was in infared and they didn't know they were being taped. also one of the funnier things i've seen. also, my gram had surgery awhile ago and the nurse was all about showing everyone the incision and shit and so i pretty much totally saw gram nude, she wasn't too thrilled. also, this video that had african people killing each other, chopping off nipples, chopping of cocks, eating each other alive, performing labotomies and then this dude got attacked by an alligator and it bit his arm off and it was floating in the water. okay, last one, i was hunting with dad and he got an elk and it's guts were 90% worms.

4 arm, so i could still go hiking. then i could get one of those voice typer things. that would rule.

5 well one i really hate is sorority chics and another one is people who don't fucking know how to drive. also, foreign professors that you can't understand

6 pour some sugar on me, no contest.

boner, damn poop i wouldn't do either, but if i had a gun to my head, i guess b. you're on crack. in a good way.

cute boys make me sigh

[mtgirl]

is one of the most retarded phrases ever. hmm interesting about the lactator chris. that just gross in my opinion. but then again, it was guys at a bachelor party

cute boys make me sigh

[mtgirl]

slash rox my world. he is too cool for words.

cute boys make me sigh

[csmooth24]

yeah..i thought it was kinda nasty but found it funny at the same time....

/images/cool.gifchris/images/cool.gif
"elvis isn't dead, he's just on vacation with jim morrison"

[mtgirl]

many sexual things are quite funny, really ;) just the fact that fucking produces children is pretty funny

cute boys make me sigh

[csmooth24]

"just the fact that fucking produces children"

that phrase made me laugh! /images/smile.gif

/images/cool.gifchris/images/cool.gif
"elvis isn't dead, he's just on vacation with jim morrison"

[yer ardy]

blessU monsignor poo pee pants....i know someday you'll have a beautiful life, i hope you'll be a star in some bodyelsesskybutwhywhywhyyyyyyyyyyy can't it be..ohhhhcanitbeeeeemiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiihiiiiiiiiiiah hhhiihiiine....

1)i let my fingers do the walkin as my mind does the talkin...
2)not on purpose...
3)on TV, the headless limbless torso on HBO..and once there was a show where some gang members, one with a videocam, punched this unsuspecting dude and when he was out cold they robbed him and then the one guy peed on his face. in real life, i drove a girl to the emergency room from the store i worked at..ever hear the term "hanging by a thread" ??? that was her finger, literally..she got careless with a deli slicer...
4)leg...there have been miraculous advancements in prosthetics..and to not be able to hold/carry the ones i love would be hard to deal with (for me)..plus i suck at one-handed typing...
5)little kids...little ones...riding in a car with no seatbelt on...and that combination peeve of "barely a swallow of milk left/only one ice cube left/one sheet of toilet paper glued to the roll" thing...
6)"Wake Me UP Before You GoGo"..no wait..oh yeah!...tie between "Pour Some Sugar.." and "Photograph..."

BON(er)s R Us: For 10mil? B... but no cameras/videos allowed...


@>-->----
~there's still time to change the road you're on..

[RogueTrader]

was the first song I fell in love with. I still like it....

M

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Howard Roark laughed......

[RogueTrader]

Dude.....do you think you could use paragraphs just once?

1. It's amazing what sets me off.....sometimes I need to be looking at porn or something, other times, i will suddenly remember something and that will be enough.....sometimes it's getting e-mails.....I'm a guy...I don't need a reason.

2. I have NO desire to ever see that on TV or in real life...

3. I have this MPEG file of these people having sex and shitting in each other's mouths and stuff....horrible...

4. I'd rather be dead, i think.

5. People who won't get out of my way on the street and who walk slow. It is endemic here in Tokyo....i have taken to walking over the fuckers...

6. There is no such thing as a good Def Leppard song. This band should be expunged from the annals of rock.

Bonus....B...definately B

M

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Howard Roark laughed......

[13throwcenter]

BITE ME!!!



"No More Airplanes Tour 1974"

[RogueTrader]

...say what you think.....I mean, don't sugar coat it......

M

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Howard Roark laughed......

[takemyhand]

Evening Mr. PP, sorry about the flyers loss last night, I'm sure they'll make it up next game.


1. Usually it's just my mind to start(toys may come into it later) and rarely is it the thought of a re-enactment.

2. Only time had milk was during pregnancy and never did it shoot out, more like leaked.

3. Nothing, I don't look.

4.. Arm, I believe it would be easier to adjust using only one arm, left one though please.

5. Ah, I have a few. One that annoys me alot is when people walk by the homeless without even looking... no change, no coffee, not a glance. Rude people another, when they butt in line or interrupt conversations, I'm cringing as I type.

6. Def Leppard, I can't remember the song, from the first album , bringing on a heartache? something like that.


(B) Nope, not a chance..wouldn't even consider it.

anne

take my hand, not my picture

[quintastic]

1. i never need a catalyst, but i sometimes use them just for fun

2. no

3. last year in my communications law class my prof chose to start class off with a video without telling what it was. it ended up being
a press conference that had been broadcast live with some politician who was in trouble with the law or something. he said a few words,
then reached under the podium, grabbed a gun, stuck it in his mouth and pulled the trigger. the camera stayed focused on him while
blood poured from every opening in his head. the memory of it still haunts me. i wanted to go complain to the prof, to tell that it was
insane that she would show that without warning us, but that was the whole point. this had been shown on live tv, no opportunity for a
warning or a chance to stop it. and worst of all, one of the stations that showed this press conference actually interrupted children's
programming to do so.

4. i'd want to lose an arm, preferably the left one. that way i could still walk and run and dance.

5. this is hard. there are so many. i'd guess the two major ones would have to be dumb people and bad grammar.

6.i think pour some sugar on me is the only one i've ever heard, so i'll have to go with that.

bonus: honestly, i doubt i'd do either. but theoretically, i'll go with b.

"my body's nobody's body but mine, you run your own body, let me run mine" -ev

[yelloledbetter]

1- The mind is a very powerful tool!!
2- Nope
3- A very bad car accident that gave me nightmares for a month
4- Arm, could still function with one arm, still be able to get around
5- People....mainly stupid, mindless ones
6- Hysteria
Bonus: I couldn't do either!!!

[13throwcenter]

but what if i want to pour some sugar on it, Rogue?



"No More Airplanes Tour 1974"

[RogueTrader]

you do it 'in the name of love', I will just have to scream

M

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Howard Roark laughed......

[13throwcenter]

well, of course in the name of love... is there any other name in which you would pour sugar upon someone? /images/wink.gif



"No More Airplanes Tour 1974"

[RogueTrader]

Armageddon it......

I always do that when I am in love with some one.....

must be tough to get out of the carpet though...

M

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Howard Roark laughed......

[13throwcenter]

carpet?

"No More Airplanes Tour 1974"

[Ger]

When you are in love with someone you play them Def Leppard?

"my eyes"

[RogueTrader]

Interpret that how you will.....

M

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Howard Roark laughed......

[poopypants]

NO i do not use paragraphs, you should know that by now

[bluecow]

we watched that video too! in my "ethics of photojournalism" freshman seminar class- most pointless 1 credit class ever.

[poopypants]

yo that's so funny you say that...i believe that dude was from PA, i remember being really little and hearing about that, is there a website where i can see that shit

[quintastic]

that's really disturbing that you want to see it. i don't know of any websites, but the guy's name was bud dwyer so you could probably do a search for that.

"my body's nobody's body but mine, you run your own body, let me run mine" -ev

[miabella]

1. The industry doesn't make enough gizmos and gadgets for me. I have a boodle of shit. Some people collect spoons, I collect sex toys.
2. Only after pregnancy. The old man was enjoying the, "look honey, you've got big boobs!"-moment and milk shot right in his eye.
3. Gruesome for me was taging body parts of a dismembered murder victim. I see dead people all of the time, so gore isn't a problem for me unless the body is a child's.
4. I'll chuck a leg since you can't give hand jobs with a foot. Did you see Ripley's Believe It Or Not the other day? There was this armless chick who did everything with her feet...Betcha' she could.
5. People with a clear lack of organization. Shit everywhere and anywhere.
6. Pour Some Sugar On Me.

I'll take B.

mia

[NoCrime2Escape]

OH MY GOD!!!! THE ARMLESS CHICK!!! My girlfriend was up half the night in bed pondering multiple social situations and how this no-armed woman would handle them!!! "How would she wipe her butt????" "How would she shave???" "Does she wear a wedding ring on her toe???"


Trading stories with the leaves...
http://chasingdogma.iuma.com

[miabella]

I have not even considered the ass wipe challenge (or wahoozie, for that matter)! Maybe she uses...a..uh, a stick? Something like it wedged between her toes for grip? Even if she had a Bidè at home (those funny toilets that work like a water fountain, only you don't drink from it), she can't take it with her. The shaving, maybe her mouth. Maybe she just Nares. How does she take care of callouses?

mia

[Smirks]

You can get this video from http://www.fugly.com