Life Questions #17

[poopypants]

Classmates-

It's funny how bad Mondays suck. You come and sit at your desk and realize that you have 5 straight days of this shit, and all you really want to do is be at home sleeping and/or watching a porno with a fresh jar a vasoline. I opt for the porno route THEN sleep, but that's just me. I have been seeing a bunch of new people here on this board recently and I encourage you to participate in my posts so we can all get to know each other that much sooner. If i don't know how you style your pubic hair or how badly your ass smells, then you aren't being honest enough. Let us help you out of your insecurities and into your greatest fantasies. Today I awoke with a head full of ideas and the one at the forefront of my mind concerned money. Now, i can only imagine that if you're in this message board reading any of these posts, you are not rich. Why? Because you are either at school or you are at work like me not doing a goddam thing, thus wasting your company's money and following the lead of most lazy americans like myself. How great would it be to be rich, i mean really rich? I was watching the Oscars last night, which once again were terribly boring, and i was wondering how easy these people have it. Like that dude from the Black Crowes who's married to Kate Hudson...that man is disgusting, both looking and probably as a human being. He sits at the show, and probably an event he formerly thought was a crock of shit when he was a lowly rock scumbag, and stares and gauds at his 19 year old wife like a little minion in a tuxedo. Then he goes home and fucks her rotten and he still wakes up in the morning ugly and in need of a haircut bad. Or how would it be to live on Barbados all year round with your beautiful wife, walk around naked, eat strawberries out of each other's assholes, hunt monkeys, etc. Upon waking up this morning, I have decided that i need to do all of these things and i want some of us to realize this dream together. I am thinking about starting a cult, not really like Charles Manson's(although group sex is encouraged) but a cult that wants these same dreams that i have. Everyone in here would love an extra couple of thousand dollars in their pockets so we need to come up with some quick cash solutions. Once we have enough cash to live forever(i'm thinking about 10 million) we can all move to Hawaii and build a village. I would have to be the king of the village, thus requiring every female member of the tribe to sleep with me beforehand, but i don't think any of you will have a problem with that once you take a look at Captain Howdy. It can be a Pearl Jam tribe, what the hell. PJ playing nonstop all day, year round. At night, we run off and buy a lot of good beer(thus nothing american) and have bonfires on the beach and go skinny-dipping in the ocean, fuck like wild dingos, rub sand in bad places, the whole works. Does this sound good to anyone?? If you're married, hey fuck your husband and get your ass out to the tribe. We need some authoritative women on the tribal grounds and women who want to bang guys who are ten years younger. We can go all night, don't forget it. I would like to know if anyone wants in on this lifestyle, any rules or guidelines you think the tribe should have would be welcome. Should you have to wear underwear? Should all oral encounters have to last for at least 30 minutes? Can i be the only guy there? Ponder this. Nothing rings truer to my heart than some sentimental words from a great American poet..."whatever it takes, whatever you do, i will be right here waiting for you."--Richard Marx

1.This question can be unisexual i suppose...when you are having sex, do you like it fast(i mean the actual thrusting), slow and steady, both??

2.Anybody have blonde pubic hair?? I've encountered none in my day and I'm very eager to soon.

3.When you first meet a member of the opposite sex, what is the first thing you look at? Something that has to go over well initially or else they are done immediately.

4.What is your favorite curse word?? It can be something sexual too like 'cunt'. Feel free to list as many as you like, bad words make the world go round and when used sparingly make a girl more desirable.

5.Name one of your Top 10 worst situations to be in.

6.Do you think you would be more upset or less upset if you found out your parner was cheating on you homosexually?

7.What's your favorite Phil Collins song and YES you must answer.

BONUS(er):If forced to sign your real address, which of the following would you do?

A)Write a threatening letter to George W. Bush (thereby putting yourself on the FBI Watch List).
B)Write an erotically charged love letter to the most repulsive person you work with.
C)Write to your parents confessing the truth about the most offensive sexual act you've ever engaged in.

My Answers:

1.Well, the reason i asked this is because an old girlfriend used to love it when i fucked her fast and hard, like ram-man from the He-Man days. She would cum in less than ten seconds every time and it was great. Personally, i like it a little slower.
2.if you have blond pubes please send me a picture for verification.
3.I like nice teeth and nice legs. If she's wearing pants and i can't check out her chickens and ass, i like a nice rack.
4.My favorite curse words are: bastard, asshole, cocksucker, snatch, and bullshit
5.#8) When your girlfriend gets into a fight with a fat girl and there's nothing you can do about it.
6.I believe i would be less upset if my girlfriend was a carpet-muncher. To me, it would be more gratifying if i knew she wasn't getting any other cock than my own.
7.Easy Lover and Do You Remember
BONUS(er):A

Hugely,

Poopy "the canadian cassanova" Pants

[13throwcenter]

Hell, I already created that cult, Mr. Poop.... we've been waiting for you. You do have to accept, however, that *I* am queen of said cult, and you must prove your worthiness for joining with not one but three oral exams. Each exam focuses on a different disclipline, so please....study up. I like the rest of your ideas, and we will discuss the possibility of instituting one or more at the next all-cult meeting. I guess you could say I am one of those authoratative women who likes to bang the younger guys.... although, I'll take em anywhere from four to ten years younger.... last night's victim happened to be a good seven years younger, and I still wore him out.

Onward and upward...

1. I like it both, never going to discourage a good pounding, actually, i'm usually the one encouraging it.

2. Never encountered any myself, either.

3. Eyes,lips and ears. I love good lips on a man, and I know the perfect ear when I see it.

4. FUCK. and all of it's many incarnations. I especially love inserting FUCK into the middle of an otherwise ordinary adjective ie: unbeFUCKinglievable.

5. Jail, Jail, Jail, Jail, Jail, Jail, Jail, Jail, Jail, being to stoned/drunk to cum. I hate that.

6. I would want to know why he didn't ask me to join.

7. In the Air Tonight

Boner: B... but I'd rather write an erotically charged love letter to G-Dub... lord knows he needs it.


Just so you know, poopy... I'm officially late to work just because I had to answer these damn questions. I'm supposed to be there in 13 minutes and I'm still sitting here in the buff!!



~.~.~.~.~
And the rivers shall open for the righteous, someday.

[Not_Trapped]

the island idea sounds pretty cool......did julia roberts not look great? but i guess i cant be on the island since i am male.......fuck

1. Always slow, but then again my number of weird sexual encounters is pretty low....

2. ummmmmmm no blond hair for me

3. Legs

4. fuck/fucker (is that obvious?)

5. #10 having my beautiful french teacher (who i am in love with hehehe) ask me out in french and me not knowing what the fuck she is saying because i never do my damn homework

6. I would be less upset if she was cheating on me homosexually because I would assume that i was pleasuring her....but she just needed that bit of feminine hole that I couldn't give her. Yes, I am aware that PP is fond of pointing out how some girls smell, but I would think that a girl would rather lick a bit under the weather beaver before she licked an ass...but that is my opinion...

7. Take me Home

Bonue: A for sure.....

--dominic

staring blankly back at you

[csmooth24]

1. both

2. no

3. i love eyes...not sure why...but i also look at her body...i am not very tall so i look for a girl who is shorter than I...

4. fuck(er, ing, ed), cock, pussy...those are in my normal vocabulary

5. jobless, homeless...with no porn...

6. more upset...

7. invisible touch...

boner...i love to tell the truth so it has to be A, all the *WAY*...

~chris
http://www.culturedpearls.com/pearljam/images/alive2.gif

[_sysiphus_]

1. A little of A and a little of B
2. Nope. It's probably an urban myth. The closest I can think of is if you find yourself an Albino.
3. Eyes and teeth.
4. Fuck in all it's various forms, bitch, ass(hole), bastard, whore
5. Can't think of any that I'd never want to relive again, but here's a phobia: trapped in some vessel, with no way out, underwater.
6. Less upset - at least I'd be able to laugh it off, whereas if he cheated on me with another woman, it'd be heartwrenching betrayal.
7. Another Day in Paradise or whatever the name of that song was.
BONUS(er): A

"I thank you for helping me learn how to think, but I reserve the right to determine WHAT I think."

[bluecow]

well hello, canadian cassonova,

i don't think it would be THAT great to be rich but it would make things a lot easier. kate hudson is 19 and married to that guy? i saw him sitting there and i was like, who the hell is that, i mean, she's married to him- that's just nasty... does anyone else find it disturbing when people that young are married? i'm 19 and there are people i know getting married... i don't want to get married for at least 10 years. anyway, here we go...

1. slow at first, then fast.

2. nope. actually, right now, i have none.

3. i look at peoples faces first. and people have told me that i pay an abnormal amount of attention to peoples shoes, but i havent noticed this and therefore, it is really not that important.

4. fuck. least favorite is cunt.

5. one of my friends was telling me this weekend about how he read this story about how some guy that was an elephant keeper at a zoo or something gave this elephant a whole bunch of suppositories cuz it was constipated, so the elephant shat all over him, the guy was initially knocked out by the force and then suffocated under a giant pile of elephant shit. that has got to be the worst way to go.

6. i think i would be less upset, for pretty much the same reason you gave... except the cock part... cuz then he would be getting cock.

7. i can't think of a phil collins song, though i would name one if i could think of any. my third grade teacher's name is phil collins, isn't that odd?

8. B. at least that way you can get out of the situation when you move to a new job or whatever, but your parents would never forget (C), and being on FBI watch seems like it could have some rather negative consequences.



--------------------------------
-You only had one chance. Why be a window washer?- Buk

[yer ardy]

life is not valid until seen thru the eyes of a man in poopy pants...
ahem..all hail queen 13...cult goddess she is...i would like to think i'm a life long member in good standing...or all long members are standing for life..something like that..whatever...

1) both..preferably during the same act, in the same night...

2) just a sec, lemme look...ummm...whuthufu color would you call this?

3) seeing the 'dried food stuck in the corners of the mouth' thing is a definite no-no, as are eye crustables, snot flags...clean fingernails win big....oh, yeah, "pro-life" lapel buttons kinda end it right there for me...

4) shit-th, fuckhead, goddammemutherfucker, asswipe, dickweed, any word preceded by "fuckin" works: fuckin idiot, fuckin moron, fuckin priest..

5) #3 Public Restroom - and the stall next to the one yer in is occupied by someone blowing chunks or diarrheatically spraying..either/or..there's drops of (insert bodily fluid) appearing on the floor dangerously close to your shoes and you can't get out of there fast enough...

6) i guess i'd be more upset at the fact that i'd be a widow because of it..there's no way that would happen unless he was DEAD...and then i'd be out the income..so, yeah..more upset than less upset....

7) 'against the odds'..that one from that movie....

BON(er)R US: Aa - the FuckinBastardsInc. don't scare me....

@>-->----
~there's still time to change the road you're on..

[poopypants]

HEY! what happen to that post? Takes a lot of balls to erase it after you post it..very amateur i must say...my response anyways: well to be honest with you I dress in drag and fuck other men..would that make me a homosexual?? Tough call. I found that the smell of a man buttocks turns me on in an eerily similar way to that of a bakery. What i really want in a man is for him to control me, shave me, pluck my nipples hairs...it also helps if he has an ass like a 6-year old swedish boy..other than that i'm pretty normal except for the rash on my nuts..have a good day olestra or whatever your name is!

[csmooth24]

LOL...ha poopy...whats going on here?



~chris
http://www.culturedpearls.com/pearljam/images/alive2.gif

[oblio]

To tell you the truth "pants full of shit",
I deleted my post out of respect for Smirks.

But seeing as you obviously have not a shred of
it or common decency for that matter,I will put
my original post back up.

I think you are a sick,perverted,egotistical,
homophobic who has no respect for women or any
anything else besides the love and high esteem
you hold yourself up to.

I am all for fun and humour and jokes but your
posts are just words that you feel will draw
attention to yourself and the obvious lack
of a physical relationship in your pathetic life.

How's that for balls????

"a point in every direction is the same
as having no point at all"

[poopypants]

now that's balls sister! stand up for yourself girl! i'm sorry you feel the way you do about me, and i'm astonished it has taken you so long to feel this way but nonetheless welcome to the board. If you had speakers on your computer i would sing "With Arms Wide Open" for you but alas....keep jammin honey, i'll make #18 extra special for ya

Stinky face

[oblio]

Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How did this place go downhill so fast?????

And yea you wilnot - Canada is a country,we are
the ones sitting on your face!!/images/smile.gif

"a point in every direction is the same
as having no point at all"

[poopypants]

How did this place go downhill so fast?? where have you been for the past 2 months? this place is great! hey you seem to be the only one bitching so take it up with the man upstairs. and yes, i am extremely jealous that i'm not from canada. the govt here won't give me my green card but i think that's cuz every time i go to their office i have poop in my pants. i am a troll
Oh and by the way, don't read my shit if it offends you.

Bob Sagat

[ProfessorFrink]

*yawn*

http://user.tninet.se/~dnv342m/simpsons/frinkani.gif

[poopypants]

*fart* yo prof, what's up with some answers

[ProfessorFrink]

fart. tee hee hee. the genious in that. the genious.

http://user.tninet.se/~dnv342m/simpsons/frinkani.gif

[poopypants]

oh boy, someone's in a bad mood today...cheer up tiger

[ProfessorFrink]

http://www.iaw.on.ca/~jrykart/tigers/Tiger3.jpg

[poopypants]

nice! if you look behind him you can see the crocodile hunter ready to pounce.

Panthro

[13throwcenter]

Well Wow if this place didn't hit the shits already today.... jeeeeeeeez. Everybuddy needs to lighten up or ya'll will be kicked off my island. Got it? /images/tongue.gif



~.~.~.~.~
And the rivers shall open for the righteous, someday.

[ProfessorFrink]

Yeah! Shape up or ship out you ingrates!

http://user.tninet.se/~dnv342m/simpsons/frinkani.gif

[csmooth24]

i wanna stay on the island... /images/smile.gif

~chris
http://www.culturedpearls.com/pearljam/images/alive2.gif

[poopypants]

well only if i can be the king of the island with ya..does this mean we have to consumate our relationship??

King Pants

[13throwcenter]

you can stay, Chris, I like you. Frink.... yer treading lightly but I'll let you stay, although I may need you to prove your worth.



~.~.~.~.~
And the rivers shall open for the righteous, someday.

[13throwcenter]

we can consummate the relationship, but you will never be king.... I don't seem to recall you having completed your oral exam, however. Your status in the cult is still pending completion of said exam. When shall I book your appointment?



~.~.~.~.~
And the rivers shall open for the righteous, someday.

[ProfessorFrink]

Prove my worth. No thanks.

http://user.tninet.se/~dnv342m/simpsons/frinkani.gif

[poopypants]

immediately your majesty

[13throwcenter]

well, you already score some points in the "willingness" category.... we'll see how you score in the "performance" and "tenacity" columns.

~.~.~.~.~
And the rivers shall open for the righteous, someday.

[poopypants]

well if it means anything, at the World Championships for Cunnilingess i scored all 10s except for that goddamm canadian judge, but her and i settled the score after the competition.

Glazed Greg

[mtgirl]

poopy, poopy, poopy, you are so amusing. like i'm sure you're outrageously wonderful, but variety is necessary on our island. can we also have wine and lots of weed? thanks so much for the giggle, the vision of richard marx's hair always gets me. oh and also, on our island, there should be a certain time of day like maybe 6:09 where everyone has to stop what they are doing and sixty nine.

1 usually medium paced, like adam sandler. but variety is definately key

2 black. sorry. haven't ever seen any in the locker room or what have you either.

3 hands. i can't deal with guys who have slender small hands. i think it's one of those things like women who are attracted to men who remind them of their dads cause my dad has huge hands.

4 fuckdamn. other favorites include fucknut, assmunch, and sonofabitch ala cartman. oh btw, i got fuckdamn from pss. she was refering to mr. ament

5 hmm....all i can think of is when i'm around a guy i really like and i can't think of a goddamn thing to say. but that's pretty weak. it's really more like #13 or something.

6 i'm assuming this means as apposed to same sex. i guess less. i'd be mad, but like obviously if a guy was cheating on me with a guy it would either be like he's really gay and so we would never really have a true relationship anyway, or he's like sexually experimenting, which, altho is kinda gross to me, is better than cheating with another chic for whom he may really have feelings.

boner b. i'd just laff in their face later. that's so mean but that's what i'd do. c was a close second, but my dad would probably kill some guys and that's no good

cute boys make me smile

[RogueTrader]

I wouldn't call myself rich, but I am comfortably well off, I mean, you make a healthy wadge of cash as a trader in an investment bank. I'll just launder all of your illgotten gains for you.

1. I like it both fast and slow. I like to see how many positions I can get her into .

2. One of my ex's, Mia, had dark blonde ones. I remember that they were really thick and way out of control. I had to get in there with a weed wacker.

3. The whole face, with main focus on eyes, smile and hair. After that, straight for the ass.

4. Fuck in all of it's permutations. I have heard some great ines on the trading floor though....

5. #1: A tie - Quadraplegic or no job, homeless

6. If they are cheating they are cheating, doesn't matter who with. My current girlfriend Bronwyn is bi-sexual. She has agreed to only indulge if I am present. It worked out well when she was vistiting me here in Japan. She met this Japanese girl and........well, you don't want to hear that......

7. Susudio

Bonus: C.....I think they would actually be pleased. They think I am gay as I never talk to them about my love life.

----------------------------------------------
Howard Roark laughed......

[Immortal]

[poopypants]

you obviously haven't the foggiest idea what i'm talking about

[jennie10]

I think he does.

"The doctors are running out of patients. I ran out of patience a long time ago." Henry Rollins

[poopypants]

CROCODILE HUNTER is a guy on tv....i'm not a fucking moron, i know what i type

Beeftrain Billy

[Immortal]

[poopypants]

well maybe you should watch more animal channel, steve finds all kinds of animals, even tigers and lions....i can't argue about this anymore, it's giving me diarrhea and i think a little came out already...

diarrhea dave

[ProfessorFrink]

Actually, there is a Crocodile in that picture if you look really carefully. It's in the background blending into it's surroundings and preparing to strike.

http://user.tninet.se/~dnv342m/simpsons/frinkani.gif

[13throwcenter]

yep...there it is... right there... to the left .... it's the only croc known to be living in the african savannah...

~.~.~.~.~
And the rivers shall open for the righteous, someday.

[poopypants]

i think the croc is poppin' a chubby!

[ProfessorFrink]

hardy har har

http://user.tninet.se/~dnv342m/simpsons/frinkani.gif

[reallygroovN]

ummmmmmmm....if i remember my "Nature" lessons....dont tigers live in india?

i think its lions that live in africa.....but i could be mistaken....../images/blush.gif

just checking /images/wink.gif

[vitolochica]

Hey I missed this one....

1. Both...if I'm feeling romantic I'll like it slow, but if I just wanna fuck with abandon, ram me baby...(it also depends on my patience), alternating can be good, because the variety can be a sweet form of teasing....

2. Nope, never seen any, though my roommate's bf has naturally bright red pubes (don't ask me how I know)...

3. His eyes...eyes are so important to me. I honestly believe that eyes are the window to the soul and a man with beautiful eyes (regardless of color) has a beautiful soul...after that, I look at attire...does he look he clean? If not then bye bye....

4. Fuck, it can be an adjetive, verb, noun, possesive noun, adverb...and so on....

5. Having my mom walking in on me would be bad, walking in on my mom would be bad too...

6. I would just be upset not because of the homosexuality but because I was lied to, AND cheated on...

7. Against All Odds definitely!!!! (though when I was 5 I begged my daddy to buy me the One More Night 45 and I cried until he did). I LOVE Phil Collins, he rocks! :)

Bonus: A. Put me on the FBI....I don't like that man.... :)

y para ser más franca nadie piensa en ti como lo hago yo aunque te dé lo mismo...

[yelloledbetter]

1- Both....just depends on my mood
2- I do not and have never come across this myth......
3- LIPS and EYES....next in line, smile
4- Fuck.....used in every possible way
5- If my parents ever walked in on me having sex, I would die...right then and there
6- Cheating is cheating and cheating = death
7- In The Air Tonight
Bonus: B...you could totally get out of that

[quintastic]

1. both. it depends on the situation.

2. i think it's a myth. i don't have blonde pubic hair despite the fact all the other hair on my body grows blonde. that's something that's
completely baffled my boyfriend, but i've never before given it much though.

3. i honestly don't know. i think i'm generally drawn to whatever his best feature is first and discover the flaws later.

4. i don't really curse much, but lately i've been increasing my use of the word crap.

5. i'd have to go with a situation i'm dealing with right now. your boyfriend decides to get a job 2000 miles away from you, and your
only choices are to break up with him or deal with him living 2000 miles away, neither of which sounds very appealing.

6. more, because not only has he been cheating on me, he's been lying to me too.

7. i absolutely detest phil collins. i can't even think of a song of his that i can stand to listen to.

bonus: a

"my body's nobody's body but mine, you run your own body, let me run mine" -ev