She hates her life and what she's done with it

[13throwcenter]

You know, it was getting that line stuck in my head for days on end last summer that made me realize it was time to make a change. I made the change, and my life STILL sucks. Too much shit weighing on my mind right now, no one here to say "Hey, it's okay"... and make me realize it IS okay... I'm ready for my life to move on... I want to be past this point. I'm really frustrated knowing that ass is out there pretending he's got it made.... it really sucks to finally make the decision to leave a bad situation and end up in a worse one- while he comes out smelling like a fucking rose. Where is the justice in that?

Don't mind me, I'd just venting. If I don't get a fucking release here REAL soon, Mt. St. 13 is gonna blow a fucking cork.



~.~.~.~.~
And the rivers shall open for the righteous, someday.

[jamijams]

well USUALLY you are asking to BE mounted :) Sweets, I know its hard right now, and while I wish there were, there will never be a time when you are completely sure, sometimes you just have to go for it...and you did. I think you truly believe you are better off, even when things are difficult. I know its confusing and sordid and messy...you must believe in karma dear, he will reap what he sows. keep the chin up, you are doing great and things will smooth out soon, I know it. you're doing the best you can and should be proud of that. everyone makes mistakes, the important part is to learn the lesson
love ya bud

You bring about what you think about

[13throwcenter]

hey JamiJams....thanks sister.... I have to put more faith in Karma... i just get way too anxious and impatient and I want him to suffer NOW, like he deserves to. It's just not right that he gets away with this shit!!!



~.~.~.~.~
And the rivers shall open for the righteous, someday.

[csmooth24]

sandi, you will end up on top in this situation...you are too strong and good a person to let this thing get the best of you! not to be to cliche, but it will be ok, just give it some more time...the worst is behind you!

keep your head up girl...and no jokes about you being on top...ok?

~chris
http://www.culturedpearls.com/pearljam/images/alive2.gif

[13throwcenter]

really? no jokes about me being on top? damn. /images/frown.gif I really enjoy being on top. /images/shocked.gif

Yer no fun anymore, Chris. /images/tongue.gif

~.~.~.~.~
And the rivers shall open for the righteous, someday.

[jamijams]

said than done, but try not to let him have even one ounce of your energy, we know he doesn't deserve it...push him out of your mind...it will become easier each time...i know it sounds cliche,but its true...he'll never *feel* the efforts of all your worrying or anger, it's pretty obvious hes oblivious

You bring about what you think about

[csmooth24]

ok...you can make one joke about being on top! /images/shocked.gif



~chris
http://www.culturedpearls.com/pearljam/images/alive2.gif

[allisdiferentnow]

dwell on yourself. dwell on what you DO have control over. You left to be away from Ric...you are now away from him. Why is that bad? You met cath. Why is that bad? you "met" pearl jam. Why is that bad? you now don't have to even talk to Ric. Why is that bad? You really need to take this time to dwell on you. Stop second guessing the past. You can't change what you've done or what he has. You and Ric are going to create a huge rift between yourselves and ash. What you 2 do will affect ash in the future. Don't you have scars from your parents? Can you now see where it starts? Don't continue the tradition. You have to control your anger and be the strongest women ever. You can do this SANDI!!! stop making excuses. cut your anchor and move on.

[13throwcenter]

Kev, I appreciate your efforts here, and for the most part, I am moving on... I think the hatred I feel the past couple days is just part of the healing process. I really have been spending a lot of time thinking about myself, what I want and what I need.... but... "sometimes I fall" ... it's two steps forward, one step back and today I took about half a step back.
I am doing all that I can to make sure Asher survives this relatively unscathed... part of my frustration and anger comes from his dad's decision to continue trying to parent our child without contact between us, which is absolutely ludicrous and in no way in Asher's best interest. I have reason to be pissed at the man.



~.~.~.~.~
And the rivers shall open for the righteous, someday.

[allisdiferentnow]

is really going to help ash? do you think ash wants his dad hurt or something? why do you do this to yourself everyday? do you ever question why you told ric to fuck off and told him to get over you? do you think that was a mistake? you now want something back that you tried so hard to push away. the hardest thing to grip is the truth. you create your misery.

[13throwcenter]

Well, you are mistaken.... I don't want any of it back...never really did, I just wanted what I thought was best for my kid... I can finally see him for the pathetic liar that he is.... really all i need to move on is for the truth to be acknowledged and nothing more. I'm not in misery Kevin, this is me coming out of misery and unlike you I recognize that doing so is a process, not something that occurs overnight, especially when it applies to a very ugly relationship of more than nine years. There are a lot of wounds to heal.



~.~.~.~.~
And the rivers shall open for the righteous, someday.

[yer ardy]

well, first of all you didn't put yer kid away or go to get a hit...so don't hate yer life and what you've done with it...

sandi, this feeling is normal in the realm of emotions. as with ANY life changing event, especially the negative ones, you feel fear, sadness, regret, hatred, contempt, self defeat, grief..i could go on. it's pretty self-defeating. but...unless someone has gone thru exactly what you are going thru no one can really understand why you feel the way you do. we just want to help, and lend an ear and a shoulder, which is the best we/i can do. you have a handle on this, because you are allowing yourself to "feel"...which is more than some do. you aren't in denial, you aren't sugar-coating it...this is real, you are real and you will survive this. no one has the right to tell you how you should feel. i'm glad you are expressing yourself, to be venting, whatever. that, in and of itself, is what you need to do to move on.

in the grand scheme of things, your life, and what you've done with it, is not all that bad....

@>-->----
~there's still time to change the road you're on..

[panther-girl]

hey sandi...
it's easy from a distance to give advice and I've never been in your situation......
I just wanted to tell you that it seems that you're giving this guy so much power...
of course, you have every right to be angry and go thru all the emotions like ardy said..
i mean, yeah, you are dealing with a 'death'... and you've got a ton of shit to deal with....
Things will get BETTER...they WILL. It is amazing what people go thru and survive.
Try...please...try...(sorry but I gotta say it...) not to put so much energy towards what you cannot change..
the father of your son is gonna be who he is ..how he is...
turn that energy towards yourself...try to focus on something that is productive...something that makes you feel good...
I only say these things because I care about you...hope they aren't taken the wrong way....
Wish I could help....
p-girl xxxooo

[13throwcenter]

thank you ardy... you are right about no one having the right to tell me how I should feel.... it bugs me when people do that, even when they believe they have my best interests in mind...

and panther girl- you are absolutely right.. this is exactly what I am trying to shed myself of. The asshole deserves no control, no power over me and my emotions.... thanks for sharing :)

~.~.~.~.~
And the rivers shall open for the righteous, someday.

[anescence]

Vent all you need to ....it's good for you.You've done the right thing and you know it. It may not seem too great right now..but it will get better.I think I've told you before how much I admire your courage, for getting yourself out of a bad situation. It's gonna take time...hang in there./images/smile.gif

~~~~
My mind not only wanders....it sometimes leaves completely /images/crazy.gif

[Vedd Hedd]

Its Ok! Really! No really! Seriously.